Today has been one of those days. Quinn is sick yet again with the flu and Aisley had an accident in bed last night, which never happens. The winter blues are in full effect and the snow was non stop. I feel cold and tired and I wish that days like today didn't happen, yet at the same time I know that I need to embrace them. When everything seems to be going wrong and I don't feel like this situation is ever going to work, I walk around my house and try not to burst into tears while my little ones play. How can I make this work, how can I make things better for them. I want to be selfish, I want to do whats best for me but I know that I can't, they are and always will be my number one priority so I need to breath deeply and remember that. I've played out today in my head a few times, I have changed things and moved them around. I have taken some of the lessons learned and filed them away, how to talk, what not to say, what needs to be said. I am at a loss and I am frustrated, but that's okay. Today was not a good day but I need to have those days, we all need to have those days. It reminds me what is important and where my priorities need to be. I look into their sweet little faces and I find some peace, today was hard but today I was strong. So tonight instead of writing an email that I know I have to write and having a fight I know I will have to have I decided to look at some pictures. I found a few from a walk that Aisley and I took in the woods the other week with her Aunt and cousins. I looked at the innocence in their faces and the pure love that they have for each other. There is no way to even describe the love that you can clearly see in their eyes. They are unaware of all the pain that can come later in life and how things can go from bad to worse. They see love and know love and trust that those that love them will always love them and be there for them. It is my job to keep her that way. I don't want that to change, I want her to feel that way for as long as I can, I wish I could keep her that way forever. I think out of everything that has happened over the last few months what hurts me the most is my worry of how they will handle the situation. I am their mother I should be protecting them from pain, not causing it, they are just so young it hardly seems fair to be doing this to them. But I know that in the long run this is what is best for them. They deserve a happy life filled with love and this is the best way for them to get that. So on tough days like today, I need to look for the love and find our happiness.