I have had these pictures sitting in a post just waiting for words but I couldn't figure out exactly what I wanted to write about. I had a few different ideas, one was all about the magic of childhood. Another was about how fast my girls are growing and how I am trying to bottle up those moments in their childhood that I have dreamed of since before they were born. I was trying to find the perfect words to match these perfect pictures of my Quinn getting older. She lost her first tooth, and quickly after she lost another. It was magical, for me just as much as it was for her. The tooth fairy brought her a fairy door that she talks about all the time and has named the fairies that she believes live within that door, in the magical world that she now has a secret door to. These moments are precious, they need to be bottled and remembered and cherished.
The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster for me. I have had some beautiful moments and I have had some very tough very emotional moments. Today was one of the hardest days for me. Nothing seemed to be going right, I struggled and stressed and on multiple occasions had to stop and remember to breath as I felt like I was ready to snap. I started to let those moments over shadow the happy ones, I wanted the girls to just go to bed and be done with my day. I wanted to crawl into my bed and shut the world off, I just wanted all my responsibilities to go away. I kept saying to myself, today is just one of those days and soon it will be over.
I wished away a lot of seconds today, I didn't want to have to do another load of laundry. I didn't want to spend two more hours searching my daughters hair for lice, I didn't want to have a to-do-list that never seems to end. For a while today I forgot who I am and what I am capable of doing. By five O'clock I was just on survival mode and trying to make it to bedtime. That is until I heard Aisley's blood curdling scream. That scream woke me up and bitch slapped me back into my life. After a "quick" trip to the hospital and some x-rays we found out that Aisley was fine and we made our way back home.
While at the hospital I decided to stop and take a look at my girls, but not just a look, I searched long and hard and deep into their sweet little faces, their not so baby hands and I listened to their words as they sweetly talked to each other, Quinn needed to make sure Aisley was okay. I looked around the hospital and let all my memories of their births come back to me along with all the trips to emergency that I had while pregnant with them. I told them about some of those trips and they asked me a lot of questions. I told them how special that hospital is to me because it was the place where I first met them. I have so many memories within those walls, some are complete bliss and others are the scariest moments of my life.
At some point tonight in that hospital with my girls today stopped being a day that I wanted to survive and it became a day to remember. Yes it was a chaotic (really chaotic doesn't even begin to describe it) hair pulling, ugly crying, lay down and give up kind of day. But I will never forget how my kids loved all the laundry that I had to do today and played for an hour in the huge piles of bedding and stuffed animals. That is the innocence of children, that is what I needed to see and learn from my daughters today. They find the good, the happy, the love, the simplicity in every moment. No matter how I categorize my moments within my day, good or bad, blissful or happy, they are all memorable and each and every one of them needs to be savoured.
I found strength and love in my children today I just had to remember to stop and look for it. I know I will have more days like today everyone has them and everyone needs them. When I have those days I will remind myself to find my focus, to look for those happy moments. The day that Quinn lost her first tooth will be one I will cherish forever, but so will today.